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  1. #1
    My Everything Ethan's Avatar
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    Oct 2009




    Episode 16: The Top 13 Perform
    ... plus teenage mispronunciations of 'Charlie Chaplin' & an overdose of Seacrest jokes.

    Think back to last season. At this point, most of the half worthy talent had already been unjustly eliminated, and the remaining were nothing more than alright. Even with Didi Benami, it's fair to say Season 9's Top 12 was pretty bad, and the ratings drop was... just. With Cowell leaving and sending critics ablaze, ready to rip apart Idol into shreds, it's surprising to see the ratings for Season 10 increasing, and more viewers tuning in. Why? Maybe it's because we all got sick of 'the mean judge', or maybe it's because Steven Tyler's pink ruffle shirts is so much more interesting than Simon Cowell's grey V-Necks. Tonight, I hope to be able to say that it's all because of the talent. Stars like Robbie Rosen and Kendra Chantelle may have been robbed from the semifinals, but luckily, Idol has still managed to round up a extremely decent Top 12, plus the likes of the yodelling and growling Haley Reinhart. I have yet to spoil myself with the results, so take a trip with me back to the past. After all, most of these snooze worthy songs the contestants chose are pretty ancient. Papa-Papa-Papaazzi? Nu uh.

    The show begins, the judges do a dramatic entrance, and Ryan awkwardly walks down those giant steps. We zoom across many audience members, signs of support, a lady in a yellow dress... wait, is this too literal for you? Ryan asks who the crowd's favourites are, and thy respond, "ADFKSJGSKDGJFKGJFKJ", which is obviously a good indication of what America is thinking. Ryan announces that Jennifer Lopez's new single 'On The Floor', or as I like to call it 'A Wreck In The Club' has reached number one on iTunes, and the Top 13 come out, and wave. This time, not one by one, probably to save the time and keep space open for more Ryan Seacrest's jokes. With nothing more to say, we begin the show, and Lauren Alaina is first!

    ('Any Man Of Mine' - Shania wain)

    Dressed like high class hippie, Lauren decides to do her pop country thing again. Obviously, she has given up with the flirty ballads to impress Steven in exchange for some kindergarten tune. Sure, I still love her tone and country 'twang, but it was rather safe for someone of her capability. Steven says that Lauren "could have been more kickass", cueing another condescending look from this not so sweet no mo' country belle. Lauren, however, "had a good taaam", and didn't want to do a ballad because "everybody else does". This girl is trying to use her sweet appearance as an excuse for her subtle brattiness. Maybe, it's just me? (8/10)

    ('With A Little Help From My Friends' - Joe Cocker)

    Casey's video is extremely endearing - as usual. Casey says Joe Cocker's "unattractive" look has inspired him to look like a tramp. At least he was cleanly shaven. The song he chose is extremely repetitive, but I have to give it to him, because this kid is amazing. I love how he is just so refreshing and totally cute. He didn't take it all the way to Spasm Central with his performance, and I loved it for that reason. Steven calls him a 'rainbow of talent' and a 'plethora of passion'. Randy disses his educated, ornate language, and Ryan reminds Jennifer she's watching American Idol after her comment about not knowing what she was watching when she was in awe of Casey's performance. Good job, teddy bear. Have you lost some weight, by the way? (9/10)

    ('When You Tell Me You Love Me' - Diana Ross)

    Ashthon's musical hero is Diana Ross. Really? I thought it would be Colbie Caillat or something... no, I'm kidding. Anyway, Ashthon looks all glammed up and dragtastic on stage with a giant piece of aluminum foil strapped all over her body. She sounds rather boring, and the song she chose is totally foreign to everyone. The crowd looked bored, well, until she hit that high note, but then they went back to sleeping again.

    Above: This is what the kids like TODAY, Ashthon.

    This girl needs to tone down the diva and start acing songs in her league. The judges complimement her style, which I find surprising considering she did a pretty mediocre job on this song. My guess is that she is gone tomorrow night. The demographics of America are not even midly interested in diva interpretations, so yeah, Ashthon needs to hope someone else screws up. She wasn't even that bad, but she really does have a disadvantage having the style and tone she has, unfortunately. (5.5/10)

    ('Come Pick Me Up' - Ryan Adams)

    Paul chooses a typical White Guy With Guitar song. Jimmy Iovine describes Paul's voice as "raspy and powerful", but based on this performance, I just want to kick the guy out and bring back Kendra Chantelle. His dancing is horrendous, but at least it's entertaining to watch and laugh at. I can barely tell if he's singing on key with such a strange tone. These are the instances when having a unique tone just doesn't work. I'm sure if someone who hadn't watched Idol for three years and had happened to tune in during his performance, would have told the press that they are deaf. Steven surprisingly likes it. Well, he liked his tone, which metaphorically translates into, "the performance was not good". Jennifer Lopez doesn't know Ryan Adams, and the audience seem to feel the same. This is not Season 9, Paul, nor is this 'YouTube's Top 100 Funniest Dancers'. (6/10)

    ('All By Myself' - Celine Dion)

    Before I comment on her performance, I just need to rant about how horrible this song choice is. Not only is it over sung, but it's boring as heck, and will earn less votes than she deserves. Hopefully, the future winner of Season 10 (yes, I'm hinting something here) chooses better songs from now on, so I can wave my possession of her in others' faces. Yes, Pia is mine, and all mine. Back off, RnR. Back on track, Ryan introduces Pia with a very snobby, "Thank you for making the number one show on television a part of your life." Um, is Glee on tonight? I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, Idol is a million times better than the wreck Glee has become, but really, Ryan? You don't have to show off. Pia is stunning as usual in every frame she's shown in. Though her dress looks like freaking metal, it's impossible not to be dazzled by this girl's total star quality. She's attractive, one of the few marketable contestants this year, and can sing like her life and four future generations of the Toscano famiy's lives are at risk. Pia ends with a powerful high note and gets great applause from the audience, so as she should. A fan boy screams, "I Love You Pia!" Yes, I travelled all the way to Los Angeles to get my voice on TV. The judges love her, and Randy loves how she can tackle tough songs and slay them. Just so you know, the show is over when and if she gets eliminated, so let's not make that happen, America. (8.5/10)

    Above: Shake it like you mean it, girl!

    ('Maybe I'm Amazed' - Paul McCartney)

    Adam Glambert wannabe James sings a Paul McCartney song, contrary to what I thought he would attempt to butcher. The scarf hanging out of his pants is gone, and the mohawk too. I prefer him this way. I thought he didn't know how to sing properly, but I guess I was wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm warming up to him, and would spare Paul over him this week. That's an improvement. Maybe if he continues being sane, he will make it into my good books. Randy gives a life story before complimenting James' versatility and falsetto. For a guy who has a pretty high voice, I'm surprised at how effortless he sounds. Okay, fine. I'll let him pass this week. It's not like America wouldn't have put him through anyway. Watch this guy do 'What Do You Want From Me' and pick up some tween fans too. (8/10)

    ('Blue' - LeAnn Rimes)

    The girl speaks like a bimbo and now, we also know she can yodel too. I'm liking this country vibe to her and the growling seems to have tamed a bit... oh wait, she's only beginning. Haley kind of has a Miley Cyrus way of moving about the stage, and she actually didn't do that badly. This sucks. All the people I was planning on mocking and ridiculing tonight are actually not half bad. Oh well, I'm sure if Haley continues onwards, I'll begin to find the Haley I disliked earlier. Am I being a negative prick? Possibly. Randy finds it boring, and everyone boos him for being honest. Jennifer says she feels Haley is sensual, and Randy objects saying that it was sleepy. Ryan makes a comment about how the provocativeness of Haley's singing bothers Randy. These were the jokes I was talking about in the opening paragraph, by the way. Did you laugh? Me neither. (7.5/10)

    ('I Believe I Can Fly' - R. Kelly)

    Jacob chooses another over sung song, gives us a nice inspirational speech and some funky Jacob moves. He seems to have toned down the ghetto fab Jacob we saw in Hollywood, and re-enacts a phone call at the spa he works as with Ryan Seacrest. However, Ryan rudely interrupts him with another failed joke. Maybe it's time to find a new host? Oh wait, no. Ryan is never busy with anything else. No, his radio show doesn't count. The song has a R&B beat in the background, which adds to the commotion, but to be honest, takes away the authenticity of the performance.

    Above: Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly... you're not going anywhere.

    In fact, it is ridiculously distracting, and I cannot even take it seriously, as great as Jacob is. He hits some crazy high notes, which to this day, I'm still unsure whether it is some loud falsetto or some intense full voice. Jennifer comments on how this season is so great, and Randy then comments on how it was them who found the talent. No, Randy, you found the talent from the fifteen percent who made it past the brutal producer's cuts. (8/10)

    ('Smile' - Michael Jackson)

    Because of Randy's comment last week about how Thia reminded him of Michael Jackson, he is suddenly her idol. However, Thia doesn't even know the song is originally by Charlie Chaplin, or "Charlie Chapnan", as Thia pronounces it. Thia does a pretty solid performance, and the music crew decide to throw in the annoying R&B beat again. Thia hits a few bum notes and isn't at the top of her game technically, but it was alright. Randy liked the stripped down beginning, Steven agrees with Randy on his comments about Thia's pitch problems, and Jennifer, predictably, is nice and drags on and on and on and on, attempting to create constructive criticism but fails, so just ends off with "you sing like an angel, so it's all gewdz". I can already guarantee her a spot in the next round, what, with the crazy Filipino voters of America. Let's just hope they didn't ditch watching the show after Jasmine Trias was eliminated. (7/10)

    ('Lately' - Stevie Wonder)

    For choosing a Stevie song, I'm happy with Stefano. He's marketable, and based on last week's wild card performance, he's a good singer too. Let's see if Jimmy Iovine's prediction that Stefano would impress us comes true. Stefano has a pretty cool tone, and it definitely is current. For some reason, Idol has proved to really like overplaying this stupid Garage Band R&B drum kit track in the background of these performances. Stefano has a lack of breath, and I prefer his middle register to his higher register, but it was alright. Nothing special, and Stevie did a much better job, but that's why they call him a legend. Steven loves it, Jennifer Lopez likes the dance remix, I hate it, and Randy even liked it. Stefano may actually make it past this week and prove himself to be an under dog. Ryan talks to Stefano about being a wild card choice. Wrong move. You're making me recall how much better Robbie was, so stop. Really. Do you want me to start a petition? "BRING ALEX LAMBERT ROBBIE ROSEN BACK!" (7.5/10)

    ('I Could Fall In Love' - Selena)

    Karen is overdressed with sparkly fabric and an unnecessary amount of bangles. The song she chooses is boring and she surprisingly does a pretty mediocre job with it. I love her tone and runs, but she definitely started at too low a key. However, there was the ending, where she pulled out some diva runs and gave Ashthon a total run for her money. Karen deserves the award for 'Hairstyle Versatility'. She's sported an afro, slicked back hair, an 80s housewife look, and now a blonde horse mane. The judges aren't very impressed with her performance, and calls it sleepy. Karen stays positive and smiley, which really makes me feel sympathetic for her, because I really don't think it was that bad. Vote for Karen, everyone! The girl deserves another chance so we can see what other hairstyles she can wear without it falling off in the middle of a performance. (7/10)

    ('The River' - Garth Brooks)

    Scotty talks to Ryan about his baseball team, and how American Idol is the only place he'd rather be than playing during the new season. The girls, middle aged Carolina women and grannies all over America are already crazy about this guy, and he already has a huge online fan base. I have to admit that Scotty isn't actually that bad. I know he's that type of guy you just want to get out desperately sometimes, but tonight, he impressed me, and I think that he's going to go down as one of the most memorable contestants of the series. I can't help but laugh at Scotty's ridiculous looks which he pulls when he sings, but you know, it's entertaining to watch, and he'll be around for at least six or seven more rounds. Randy advises Scotty to stay true to himself, Steven goes all irrelevant and quotes a song, before finally getting to what he wanted to say - that he liked it. Jennifer gives some melodramatic sappy speech about how much Scotty is taking everyone on a ride into the joyous wonders of country music, and is eventually cut off by the Idol theme. Jennifer, try not to run your mouth too much. There's only two hours scheduled for this show, and Ryan's intolerable jokes already take up too much of the spare time in between performances. (8/10)

    ('Umbrella' - Rihanna)

    This girl is pure joy to watch, and I only just realized. Naima sings a tacky version of 'Umbrella', another song which you will find 100000 covers of on YouTube. However, I cannot blame her, because she is a real performer and even raps along with crazy chicken dancing. Her vocals were only alright, but since she put so much punch into the overall delivery, I guess I'm happy with her performance. Steven loves her, though pitchy, which is evident, but at least Naima did something totally different with the song. Jennifer gets all diva with the compliments, saying, "Gurl, you got fayuuur", and that the pitchiness doesn't matter. Randy is quick to object and criticizes the sudden cuts at the end of phrases. Randy does his shouting hound dog encouragement and once again, is cut off by the Idol theme song. Obviously, the judges don't matter anymore, do they? Naima finishes off by saying, "Sdjfhdsjshdjsdhfjhjkehjkehdjkhds, you're under my umbuhrellah" to the audience, and Ryan is left stunned by her fast mumbling/talking talents. Naima is not using the voting number '13', so if she goes home, controversy will take its toll! Some people don't pay attention to the numbers and go with common sense. You know that right, producers? Anyway, Casey should have ended the show, and Naima as the opening. Good job on the modernization of the classic chicken dance though, Naima. (8/10)

    NEXT TIME...

    After the dragged on, slow paced results show tomorrow night, we will be left with the top twelve. The theme is unknown for now, and I know it'll be pre taped again, but Pia better be there, or I'll go on a rampage just so you know.

    Above: The legendary chicken dance has now evolved into a movement
    of supposed reggae pop. Naima deserves some applause, dontcha think?


    My ranking of the night: Casey Abrams, Pia Toscano, James Durbin, Jacob Lusk, Scotty McCreery, Lauren Alaina, Naima Adedapo, Stefano Langone, Haley Reinhart, Thia Megia, Karen Rodriguez, Paul McDonald, Ashthon Jones. Overall, a good night. It's hard not to be impressed after last year's travesty. Predictions? KAREN WILL BE BOOTED OFF. Most likely inevitable that a girl will be booted tomorrow night.


    For more Idol news, visit:

    IDOL XIV: Sarina . Clark . Rayvon . Quentin . Adanna . Joey .

  2. #2
    I agree SFM @ Lauren coming off as bratty. Dislike her.. lots!

    lol @ Naima chickendance

  3. #3
    Pia was screaming on same parts. Seriously a no no.

    Thia hits a few bum notes? really? She was flawless tbh.


  4. #4
    sexy seńorita~ laaalaauraa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Auckland, New Zealand

  5. #5
    Administrator Aly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Austin, TX


    I love doing the chicken dance to "A Wreck in the Club"

    Great recap as always, EthOn!

  6. #6
    This season is better than season 9 but it's not THAT better tbh. It has a good chance to be the second worst imo .

    And about Paul, why don't you judge it for yourself. Here's Ryan Adams performing the song LIVE on Letterman


    U MAD?

  7. #7
    @ Crazy Chicken Dancing!

    I'm not a Naima fan, but I thought that was the best part of the whole episode. I actually thought she did look like a contemporary pop star with her dancing and slightly pitchy singing

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