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Thread: AI 5 - Top 3 Recap: Ruby Slippers and Hooker Boots

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    Thumbs up AI 5 - Top 3 Recap: Ruby Slippers and Hooker Boots

    5/22/06 - RUBY SLIPPERS AND HOOKER BOOTS

    American Idol: Top 3 Recap - Choices by Clive Davis, Judges, and Idols

    Last week on American Idol...

    Taylor sang about jail-houses and ghettos, two places where he probably wouldn't fare very well. Elliott entered the week as an underdog, but saved himself by using strategy no one else thought of: singing really, really well. Katharine forgot the words and worse a hideously fugly outfit... but she brought her body and face and sashayed her way into the final 3.

    Unfortunately for Chris, neither the Chrisaholics, Chrisaders, nor the Daughtribe cared enough about his boxer briefs to vote him through to the next round. That doesn't bode well for a Hanes contract. I'm sure Fuel will yet again extend Chris an invite to be their lead singer on a bajillion other new/talk/entertainment shows... and Chris will turn them down repeatedly because he's basically signed his life over to 19E. Who wins? Fuel. Because - and let's be honest here - how many people have heard of Fuel before this? I thought so.

    Apparently Chris didn't get the memo about how people get eliminated because:



    Goodbye O Bald One. I guess gray is better than nothing.

    Ryan opens by reminding us that this is where it gets serious y'all. Three left and two move on to sing at the Kodak. Credits roll and you know it's gonna be an awesome show when you have Roseanne sitting in the audience. In front of Clive Davis.



    We're reminded again that Chris was voted off the show. The crowd boos, but the cameraman somehow manages to film the one part of the audience where no one is booing; instead a couple of blonde chicks are sitting there, looking vacantly into the camera. Ryan describes the judges are three people who've been at each other's throats all season: Randy "food at my throat" Jackson, Paula "beer at my throat" Abdul, and Simon "hydrochoric acid at my throat" Cowell.

    Each idol will be singing three songs, the first of which will be chosen by music mogul Clive Davis who, for the purposes of this minibiography, founded and ran every recording label ever in existence, signed every single successful artist since the beginning of time, and invented sound waves. You'd guess that someone so successful in the industry would no doubt be able to pick out some great songs for the idols, wouldn't you? Then you'd be **** out of luck. Because dude is either (a) senile, or (b) sadistic.

    Clive tells ELLIOT YAMIN that they're down to the final three, so every performance has to be electrifying. And so he's chosen Open Arms by Journey for Elliott to sing. Elliott, understandably, is all:



    Clive wants Elliott to show he can do a rock song. Because, of course, that's exactly the type of music he excels at and will be recording. And the Clay comparisons are just the sprinkles on top of this crap sundae. But because Elliott is a smart man, he thanks Clive for the opportunity to be in his presence (no joke!) and expresses his desire to work on some projects with him in the future. Projects that don't include rock songs previously sung by Clay Aiken.

    Considering that no one can touch Journey's original version, Elliott does a pretty good job of it. While it's a great song, there aren't any spectacular moments, which is what Elliott needed. The chorus is basically a bunch of long and loud notes. Which Elliott sings really long and loud. And he kind of has to, because the band ramps up the volume like crazy. Overall, technically great, but boring and forgettable.

    Randy: That song is near and dear to my heart because I used to be a part of Journey. I wasn't sure about that choice, but you worked it out. You had a few problems in the course, but you worked it out.

    First of all, all you did was tour with Journey. Second of all, you played no part in writing or recording that song. Hence, shut up. Stop trying to take credit. It's not edible.

    Paula: Excellent voice. It's gonna be the best night ever.

    Simon: Good choice of song. Wasn't a great performance. You're a little stiff... you've got to loosen up and start thinking you can make the finals next week.

    Next up is KATHARINE McPHEE, and Clive has chosen "the great R. Kelly classic" I Believe I Can Fly.

    ...

    Say it with me now:



    Has anyone ever sung that song well? Even R. Kelly sounds like a corny dumbass singing it, and it's HIS song. Clive babbles about giving Kat a chance to "dig down deep in a modern day classic". WTF does that even mean? He insists that the song gives her the opportunity to have a "Katharine McPhee sound". What? A shitty sound? Cause I don't think that's what we're going for here. He tells her to soar with the lyrics, and because Kat is too level-headed to tell him to go F#$% himself, she cornily agrees to soar. Oh god. There is no return.

    Realizing that looking hot is more important that ever, Kat is decked out in a turquoise dress that's pretty damn hot. Her strategy with this song is to NOT sing the original melody and do little weird ornaments here and there. And for the first little bit, it actually works; it's something new and fresh that we haven't heard before. But the best and possibly the most hilarious part of the arrangement is the chorus... or rather, lack thereof. Kat forgoes the whole chorus in favour of simply singing random snippets of the lyric overtop of the background singers who sing the chorus FOR her. It's actually kind of ingenious. She leaves the loud and potentially screechy notes to the background singers and simply bops to the music while singing a line here and there. And at the end, just when you think she's gonna screw it all up by trying to diva-blast out a huge last note, she's all "Psych, bitches!" and sings a relatively low note. It's weird sounding, but at least it's not screechy.

    Randy: Let me start of by saying you look amazing.

    Lol. Has a good review EVER started with "you look amazing"?

    Randy: My problem with these songs is that I know you really want to be that singer, but you're not one just yet. To me it wasn't quite the right thing for you.

    Paula: Katharine, that colour is gorgeous on you.

    Ahaha. Has a good review EVER started with "that colour is gorgeous on you"?

    And while Paula is stammering for a nice way to say "That song blows chunks!", some overenthusiastic girl shrieks that "[Kat] is incredible!"

    Paula is still at a loss for words. For reasons unknown, Kat pipes up that they've been hard on her these past couple of weeks. To be fair, they have been. But to be really fair, Kat's had some either crap-ass songs, or crap-ass performances, so she really can't say anything.

    Randy: It's just song choice... song choice...

    To which Kat gleefully points out "But I didn't pick it! That old crusty dude over there did! Blame him!" Well, in so many words.

    Everyone laughs, and Randy looks like a stupid ass. And... what's new? Randy tries to backpedal and now moans about Kat not singing the melody, which he didn't mention at all in his original critique. Amid all this, we skip over Paula. Understandable.

    Simon: I think you're being unfair Randy. She didn't choose the song, it is an incredibly recognizable song. Apart from some bum notes, you kind of created a moment for yourself.

    And while it's probably not the smartest thing to argue with the judges at this point, she was well within her right to point out that it wasn't her that chose that lemon of a song, especially when Randy gave no criticism other than the fact that the song was horrible. Anywho, Jasmine reminds us all that she had to sing "All By Myself", thank you very much, and so if anyone has the right to complain, she's first in line, so get a number.

    Clive's last pick is for TAYLOR HICKS and he's chosen Bruce Springsteen's Dancing In The Dark. Trifecta:



    Of all three idols, Taylor looks the most pissed after hearing Clive's pick. Sure, it's a Springsteen song. But it's a Springsteen song. Either you're worse than Bruce or you're a lot worse than Bruce. Plus, there is no Courtney Cox ready to step up onto the stage and just dance with... oh wait. Heh.

    Clive says that it's a song Taylor can really get into the lyric, and then he quotes this part of the lyric: "... coming home in the evening... I'm just tired and bored with myself". Which is a really great feeling, you know? Taylor deadpans that it's a great song and, just like the cue cards told him to, he thanks Clive for personally asking Bruce Springsteen for permission to sing a Bruce Springsteen song, and it's the first time anyone has ever sung Bruce Springsteen on American Idol.

    So yeah, I'm sure it's a great song, but there's no range to it so the only thing saving this whole ship from sinking is Taylor's enthusiasm, which never runs dry. Taylor runs into the audience and makes Paula the Courtney to his Bruce. But realizes the horror he's unleashed, so he scampers off.



    Paula dances unfazed

    Randy: You know what I love about you? You know how to have a good time. Dancing with Paula? That was hot!

    So I guess we've already given up on any useful or merit based critiques? Ok.

    Paula: I wish I would have known, so I could have had double-stick tape! That was nerve wracking. Honestly, that was incredible.

    Simon: You have three songs. It was OK. It paled in comparison to the original. Paula? For your age, you were fantastic.

    Paula laughs like a friggin hyena at this, and I appreciate the fact that she can laugh at herself. But then I realize, through the meds, she probably just heard Simon say "Ooga booga licorice dandelion squeeba nitz poop!" and found it hilarious.

    Returning from commercials, we see Ryan sitting in Paula's seat, and Paula sitting in Ryan's lap. Awkward. Ryan introduces round two, where the Judges pick the songs for the idols. Cut to Mayor L. Douglas Wilder of Richmond Virginia who reads a private fax from Paula Abdul to Elliott, informing him that she's chosen What You Won't Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell.

    Ryan tries to ask Paula why she picked that song for ELLIOTT YAMIN, but she's kind of busy:



    She manages to choke out that she thinks the funky white boy with soul can get into this song.

    Trial number two for Elliott craps out just like the first: nice and boring. As expected, he's an awesome singer, but awesome singing can only do so much. Now, more than ever, Elliott needs a few Star Search moments to hammer it home, and neither Clive nor Paula gave him a opportunity with their song choices. It's a shame he's come this far only to be dragged down by horribly boring songs. I couldn't even find a screencap worthy of taking.

    Randy: It was a good song choice, but not your best performance. You were a little sharp.

    Paula: Forget song choice or whatever. This is the kind of artist that you are. You've got amazing soul, R&B... you just pierce to the heart.

    For once Paula is right on. Except she forgot that right now, Elliott doesn't need the nice soulful songs. He needs something that will blow Taylor and Kat out of the water, which he CAN do (see: last week!) if given the right songs.

    Simon: It wasn't the best song in the world. But the style suited you. I actually thought you sang that pretty well.

    Yeah-huh. I think we've all pretty much agreed that Elliott is a soul/R&B singer since, oh, I don't know, THIRTEEN WEEKS AGO. Stop crushing his dreams by making him sing the most forgettable songs ever.

    Mayor #2 is Antonio Villaraigosa of LA, California. He informs KATHARINE McPHEE that an e-mail from Simon Cowell says that he's chosen Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Kat is visibly excited. Simon says he knew from the first moment he met her, that this was probably the most perfect song for her, and she could have that moment that they've all been waiting for.

    Remember the Solitaire spotlight? Check.
    Remember the Summertime sit-on-stage? Check.
    Remember the Awake In A Dream acapella? Check.

    She starts with a sweet but little known acapella intro, and then sweeps into the first verse with a lone guitar for accompaniment. A piano tinkles in, then a flute joins in, and the rest of the orchestra joins in for the climax of the song. Beautiful runs, gorgeous head voice and she even does the whole "this song is God's divide melody" as she reaches up into the light at the end. Plus, she has that sparkly eye shadow stuff which is oddly hypnotizing.



    Folks, we've got ourselves a moment!

    Ok sure, so it was totally manufactured and pieced together right down the ruby red slippers (yes, she wore ruby slippers!). But so what? AI 5 needed it's "moment" and while it wasn't as dramatic as Summertime, it was by far closer to a "moment" than any other performance this season. There'll be haters, but overall, it's the kind of performance the casual viewer can cry over and be swept away with.

    Randy: Yo. Check it out. Finally, this is what I've been waiting for. This it the best vocal of the season... for you... tonight! America, we got a hot one right there! That was brilliant! That was hot!

    Paula: (stands up) I applaud you. Soak in this moment... your element and your magic is when you don't go overboard. Just your beautiful natural self.

    Simon: I'm very happy for your tonight, and it proves the point that you don't have to layer too much. You have a very special talent. I'm not just saying this because I picked the song, but that was the single best performance of the competition to date.

    If Kat makes it to the finale (and we know she does) she really needs to buy Simon a gift basket or something. He singlehandedly manhandled and shoved her into the final 2 with that song.

    Governor Bob Riley of Alabama rounds out the group as he reads Randy Jackson's fax. TAYLOR HICKS will be singing You Are So Beautiful, by Joe Cocker, courtesy of Randy.

    It's a great song for Taylor, make no mistake. But the way he performs it is So. Damn. Affected. I have no doubt that every single twitch and spasm is carefully timed and choreographed; all the carefree eccentricity is gone. There a whole lot of frowning into the camera, over-emphasized brooding, and because Taylor can't sing really softly, his voice cracks several times. Anyway, in case my hatred for Taylor's fake-antics seeped in too deep there, I'll be objective and remark that without looking at the screen... it was a great vocal and song choice.

    Randy: Hey hey hey. A great tender moment from Taylor. You did the song proud.

    Paula: Not only do you look like a star. You are a star. That was beautiful.

    Simon: That was so far and away your best performance so far.

    After commercials, ELLIOTT YAMIN informs us that he's chosen I Believe To My Soul by Ray Charles... but the Donnie Hathaway version. Lol. This is like Elliott's "Lee Ann Rimes' Version!" crutch.

    And you really have to feel sorry for the guy. The third song dies the same way the first two did. Great song on it's own, amazing vocals, but not memorable at all. In fact, all three songs just kind of blend into one another; none of them stand out as particularly good (or bad) which really doesn't cut it on final three night. He manages to throw his own name into the lyrics, but it's a failed night overall despite him having the best vocals all-round. Once again. Not even an interesting enough moment to screencap.

    Randy: I don't believe it was the perfect song, but you can definitely sing. So you did a good job no matter what.

    Paula: I agree with Randy because it's not a song people can connect with cause they don't know it. But the thing about you Elliott, is nobody can sing songs like that... like Ray Charles... it's very difficult, but you riff all over it. You're a funky white boy!

    Simon: Your songs are not going to carry you through to the next week. However, you are a great guy, a great singer... and whatever happens, you will make your mom very proud for what you've achieved.



    KATHARINE McPHEE chats with Ryan about I Ain't Got Nothin' But The Blues and snits that she didn't want to be compared to anybody in the industry today, so she chose an older song.

    It's a very theatrical song (well, at least it is the way she does it) with a lot of those half-sung-half-spoken lines. It's a jazzy and riffy number that's right up her alley. It doesn't so much showcase her voice as it does her personality, which at the moment is fun, flirty and dressed in black hooker boots and a mini black dress.



    Randy: Last song was really the one for you... I don't know... you're comparing yourself to Ella... uh... djsoyaqbqlbe

    He starts babbling and it really doesn't make much sense here.

    Paula: Your magic was "Somewhere over the Rainbow", but you know what, you still did a great job.

    Simon: Overall, you had a good night. 5 steps forward, 1 step back with that. I wish we had reversed the order and had you end with the song in the 2nd round, that's what I wanted to remember. With all of you, actually. It was OK.

    This is true. It would have been awesome for Kat and Taylor. Elliott... not so much, since it really didn't matter what order he sang it in.

    Wrapping up the night is TAYLOR HICKS with Try A Little Tenderness by Otis Redding, and he's doing it for the SOUL PATROL. Someone needs to tell him to just shut up and quit while he's ahead. One Soul Patrol shout out per night is plenty.

    Remember when he did Sam Cooke's "You Send Me"? Here's a refresher. Nice, slow, enjoyable beginning. Great actually. Nuanced performance full of feeling. Then with maybe 15 or 20 seconds left:

    ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AND **** FLIES EVERYWHERE! SPASMS! HEART ATTACKS!

    Yeah. Of course, the judges once again mistake this for absolute GENIUS.

    Randy: I got a new name for you. Your new name is "Have a good time, funky Taylor"!

    Hmm. Well, I know it was nickname given with the best intentions and all, but that really doesn't roll off the tongue very well.

    Paula: We were asked to pick songs, and I chose this for you, but you chose it for yourself already! Incredible!

    Simon: Smart choice of song, good performance, hideous ending, but I'll see you next Tuesday.

    The numbers are recapped, but not before Taylor can shriek "Soul Patrol" another ten times.



    Clive's song choice for Rhonetta: Thong Song by Sisqo

    Judge's song choice for Rhonetta: I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

    Rhonetta's song choice for Rhonetta: Bootylicious by Destiny's Child

    .. and Scene.

    -Sir Bitter

    Click http://www.realitytvgames.net/showthread.php?t=1517

    -------
    For More American Idol news: SirLinksalot: American Idol

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Buns Of Steel
    Paula laughs like a friggin hyena at this, and I appreciate the fact that she can laugh at herself. But then I realize, through the meds, she probably just heard Simon say "Ooga booga licorice dandelion squeeba nitz poop!" and found it hilarious.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Baby Daddy
    There'll be haters, but overall, it's the kind of performance the casual viewer can cry over and be swept away with.
    Yep, yep!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Biggalo Male Gigalo
    ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AND **** FLIES EVERYWHERE! SPASMS! HEART ATTACKS!


    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Booty Booty Booty Booty Rockin' Everywhere!
    Clive's song choice for Rhonetta: Thong Song by Sisqo

    Judge's song choice for Rhonetta: I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

    Rhonetta's song choice for Rhonetta: Bootylicious by Destiny's Child
    *standing ovation*
    Fierce is a State of Mind.



    Sciuridae; TYO 7974; Once you find the final thread and complete this challenge, go have a drink to celebrate!


  3. #3
    RTVG Apprentice
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    Sir Bitter:
    I worship the ground you walk on.

  4. #4
    Another great recap SirBitter. I can't wait to see the next show you cover.

  5. #5
    Another great recap Sir Bitter! Brava!!!


    Can anyone tell me what the Summertime moment was? For the life of me, I cannot remember it!
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  6. #6
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    Another beaut of a recap. Please tell us what to look for next from you. I'm going to miss AI and Sir Bitter.

  7. #7
    Damn, Sir B seems to have legions of devoted female fans! Play-AH *pops collar*

    Another fan-damn-tastic recap, Sir Bitter! I think we've all come to expect nothing short of prefection everyweek :D:D.



  8. #8
    Great! Laughed my ass off. I'm going to miss you...

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by nanaTay
    Can anyone tell me what the Summertime moment was? For the life of me, I cannot remember it!
    Fantasia blew everyone else out of the water when she sat on the stage and sang a very bluesy "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess". It was amazing. Much better than the version recorded for her CD.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by photographer45
    Fantasia blew everyone else out of the water when she sat on the stage and sang a very bluesy "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess". It was amazing. Much better than the version recorded for her CD.
    Thank you for answering my question

    Now I understand why I don't remember it... I can't stand Fantasia nor her voice so I probably wasn't "blown away" LOL
    Are you looking for a family "heirloom"? Check out my website in my profile for One-Of-A-Kind afghans!! Now ONSITE: Ponchos & Swimwear

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  11. #11
    RTVG Idol Bambi's Avatar
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    Sir, that was awsome!! I can't stop laughing!
    "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." James Dean

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by photographer45
    Fantasia blew everyone else out of the water when she sat on the stage and sang a very bluesy "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess". It was amazing. Much better than the version recorded for her CD.
    One of the greatest performances in AI history. It was just SO perfect.
    Join my ANTM Forum. Its awesome!

    NEW TOP MODEL REALM FOR CYCLE SEVEN.Its kinda sexy.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Bitter
    Paula laughs like a friggin hyena at this, and I appreciate the fact that she can laugh at herself. But then I realize, through the meds, she probably just heard Simon say "Ooga booga licorice dandelion squeeba nitz poop!" and found it hilarious.
    HAHAHA "But then I realize, through the meds she probably just heard Simon say "Ooga booga...""

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Bitter
    Clive's song choice for Rhonetta: Thong Song by Sisqo

    Judge's song choice for Rhonetta: I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

    Rhonetta's song choice for Rhonetta: Bootylicious by Destiny's Child
    HyLARIOUS!!

    Great Recap Sir Bitter! You are a god!

  14. #14
    Won't be anything left... Swim4life107's Avatar
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    Great recap Bitter. Great season of recapping. Awww no finale?

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