AI 5 - Top 4 Elimination Recap: The Balder They Are, The Harder They Fall

[Sir Bitter]

5/12/06 - THE BALDER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL

SPECIAL EDITION RECAP! American Idol: Top 4 Elimination

(Top 4 Performance Show Recap coming soon!)

This week on American Idol...

Taylor proved that he would, indeed, scare the **** out of even the most vile inmates with his dancing and writhing to Jailhouse Rock; Elliott's hair grew like a Chia Pet in a rainstorm; Chris sang his songs, but was really mentally deciding on which pair of pants to wear to the finale; Kat flung her hair around like it was the Hair Whipping Championships 2006, and somehow managed to find an outfit uglier than her pregnancy-wear.

The camera pans across the four idols standing on stage as Ryan reminds us that they tackled Elvis, but one will be leaving the building tonight.



Credits roll and we get a shot of loving couple Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn (Stamos) the Uncle Jesse Divorcer. Ryan babbles a bit about the upcoming painful elimination of Katharine or Elliott (well, in so many words...) and that the Taylor v. Chris finale is only two weeks away (it was implied, trust me).

The judges are intro'd: Randy "Ugly on the outside" Jackson, Paula "Ugly on the inside" Abdul, and Simon "Just Ugly" Cowell and they all look somewhat smug about their chances of finally crowning their (bald) white male winner.

We get a brief recap of last night's events as we watch the idols fly to Graceland to meet with Priscilla Presley who, despite the evidence presented by her face, is still alive and well. They also got to sing for Tommy Mottola, the man who discovered, produced, married and divorced Mariah "Glitter" Carey. A quick fast forward through the performances and comments from last night reveal what we've been hearing the past x number of weeks: Simon thinks Taylor's crazy when he sings fast, but is awesome when he sings slow; Paula booked Chris's ticket to the finals; Simon thought Katharine was shrieky and something about apple pie and cream; the judges love Elliott's voice. Also? Paula is a jacked-up idiot.

As we cut to commercial, the camera pans across the idols again and the beautiful Kat looks as dejected as ever, knowing that despite her awesome string of performances on AI, a couple of recent semi-weak showings have doomed her to fall in fourth place, paving the way for the first ever all-male final three.

Back from commercials, we move into the product placement portion of the show as the Ford pimp-mercial unfolds to the tune of "Wonderful World". Kat drives up in her Ford Hybrid and is shocked (shocked!) that the garage is full of crap and junk; the three boys go about clearing the garage, the highlights of which are: Elliott being tossed around by the pressurized-water hose, Chris wrestling Koi into a pond, and Taylor scaring the crap out of a parrot. It's mostly shots of the three guys, driving home the point that with three white males in the final three, it's highly possible that the winner will be a white male. They end up turning the garage into a garden paradise and Kat drives the Hybrid into it's new leafy home. We close the pimp-mercial with Kermit the Frog sitting in the passenger seat deadpanning that "it's easy to be green".

After a second set of commercials, we return to a bout of "this is where Elvis slept, this is where Elvis ate, this is where Elvis left the toilet seat up, and this is where Elvis opened a chocolate bar and dropped the wrapper on this very spot on the carpet that we've fenced off". On a positive note, it's fascinating to watch Priscilla Presley move around and not crumble into dust like those monsters from The Mummy.



Priscilla leads them into the gold/platinum records room and warns them not to even ask her how many there are... and then proceeds to tell them exactly how many there are. She waxes poetic and wonders how one man could have accomplished all this. Stupid Priscilla! Everyone knows Elvis was actually 5 different people swapping in and out, and the 4th and 5th ones are still alive and hiding in Ohio! And if you thought watching Priscilla talk was entertaining, have a look at Lisa Marie who looks utterly stoned as she congratulates them. Then, someone at FOX had the brilliant idea of having Lisa Marie of all people, drive the idols around in a golf cart which... hazard much?

We segue into the group song which is a medley of Elvis numbers, beginning with Don't Be Cruel featuring Elliott in a pink shirt and vacant eyes; the other three play back up singers. They transition into Blue Suede Shoes whose "Go, cat, go" portion of the lyrics are appropriately represented by Kat's luscious hip swivels. Next up is Taylor's Heartbreak Hotel solo, followed closely by Kat's Are You Lonesome Tonight? moment, and Chris's rendition of Love Me Tender. At this point, it becomes the Boys' Show as Kat disappear from camera for awhile until they reunite to sing the chorus of I Just Can't Help Believin' which, in hindsight, was so so appropriate:

...
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna stay
For more than just a day

Yeah. Elvis not only rocks our socks, but is also psychic. But we'll get to that later. For all intents and purposes, Kat leaves us tonight.

They end with an energetic and rowdy rendition of Burning Love on the mini-stage behind the judges: Taylor and Kat duet and dance like maniacs, Elliott dances awkwardly by himself in a corner, and Chris dances while mentally deciding which black shirt goes better with the black pants he's chosen to wear to the finale. It's an awesome medley and ironically (in the Alanis Morissette way, of course), most of the songs they performed tonight were better than the ones they did last night, with Elliott being the only exception.

Commercial break #3 brings us back to Rebecca Romijn (Stamos) the Uncle Jesse Divorcer who isn't wearing her engagement ring. Jerry O'Connell tries to laugh it up like it doesn't matter, but we all know Rebecca Romijn (Stamos) will also be Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, and tacking on an O'Connell will never erase the Stamos. They chat a bit about X-Men 3, and then when Ryan puts RR(Stamos) on the spot, she refuses to name a favourite... but then out of the friggin blue, she'd like to "make a request" for Taylor who "rocked the house last night" to do an encore of Jailhouse Rock.

Bull.

****.

Sundae.

Ryan pretends it's an instant request and asks Nigel if they have time, and before you know it... a microphone's in Taylor's hand, he's in the audience, the band is ready with their sheet music and the guitarists in ready and waiting on stage. Since when does a person randomly get to encore their best song on results night before the results are even revealed? Biggest, most blatant piece of FOX crap that ever plopped onto this show. To make things worse, they end it with Melissa Rivers clapping in the audience. Mine eyes, mine eyes oh they burn!

After RR(Stamos)'s non-favourite Taylor has finished getting two extra minutes of valuable screen-time, Ryan pulls all four idols onto the stage and separates them into pairs: Taylor and Elliott vs. Kat and Chris. Obviously, he doesn't tell us which is which until after the break... but seeing as Kat isn't quite male enough to be FOX's white male winner, she's totally leaving, right? Of course.

Indeed, we return from the fourth commercial break to discover that Taylor and Elliott have secured their spots in the final 3, leaving Chris and Kat as the bottom 2. Hugs and kisses between the four idols as Taylor and Elliott make their way back to the couches of safety, and cut to Paula standing up and clapping cause she can't wait for her all male final 3 to be announced. Ryan asks Simon who should leave, and Simon replies that based on last night's performances... Katharine should go. It's met with a bunch of boos (but really, when don't they boo?) and a resigned looking Katharine.

Ryan drives home the point that many predicted Chris and Kat to be the final 2.



Ryan further emphasizes that many predicted Chris could be the next American Idol.



Ryan then drops the **** bomb of the millenium...



OMFGGGGGGGGG apoiuae;rlkjadbpouaew;rlkjwabo8uawe;lfijasovaf;ljk sv;o8ywnbl w;pweboiwyue,rnl e,bliwyelwef??!??! s;ldjbvowyeltk??!?! afoi23lgvi37oubljqrtgl;kj!!!!!!!

ABLIJW#ORUW#R!!!

The rate at which Chris's face dropped was a thing of beauty. It was clear how much Chris had bought into his own hype, smiling and grinning his way right up until the last minute.

Not only does the beauteous Kat get to grace my TV screen for yet another week, but in the process, another one of FOX's finalists groomed for the final 3 has been derailed! Mama McPhee looks solemn in the crowd, because if she were to express what she really felt (which would probably be a cross between a banshee and a Shakira video)... she'd look like a huge bitch. But it would have made for hilarious TV, to see her as the lone screaming idiot amidst a crowd of people looking shocked and quiet. Hehe.

Paula has her face buried in her hands (hah, doesn't she feel stupid right about now!), Simon seems mildly non-plussed, but mostly non-emotional as he taps random parts of his face with his finger, and Chris is shooting dagger eyes at everyone within dagger-eye distance. Katharine stumbles over to the couches, still dazed about the recent events, and probably hella relieved. And you know, she has a right to be. It's not like she's another Nikki or Jasmine with far inferior singing talent than the other three idols. She's been a frontrunner since the audition rounds, performed some outstanding songs over the past 8 or so weeks, and just happened to have one or two semi-weak performances recently.

Anyway, I'm sure there'll be plenty of time to vilify Kat in the upcoming week. I just hope that FOX doesn't set out to destroy her next week, because if they do, you can bet Clive Davis will have her sing "All By Myself" and Randy will make her sing "Macarena".

Chris confirms that he's surprised that he's leaving. Surprise.



As we watch Chris have a Bad Day, we see a little window in the corner of the screen showing Chris quietly seething and glaring at the screen. It's actually a little scary. And hilarious, because at that particular moment, Chris voices over in the Bad Day video: "If it ended now, I'd be totally satisfied..." Not to be an ass, but that doesn't like like a satisfied face to me. As he sings out, I realize that it's the first time I've ever seen an idol leave the show looking truly pissed, instead of sad and smiling.

Chalk another one up for FOX because the fan is going to be soooo brown for the next couple of days!

And because I can't help but stir the pot:





Rhonetta says...

.. and Scene.

-Sir Bitter

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For More American Idol news: SirLinksalot: American Idol

[AIW]

Best idol moment of the season.

[Aly]

Totally agree, AIW!

GREAT recap, Bitter. Thanks for treating us to the special edition

[manjalteng]

Originally Posted by Sir Bitter

And because I can't help but stir the pot:

(sigh) I remember those days ... I love Kat and I love Jas, hopefully I'll get to meet Kat one of these days as I did with Jas...

[Pink Armchair]

Oh, my God, Sir Bitter. That was a hilarious and satisfying moment. Apparently you were right on the money with Chris's interior monologue, as his post-boot interviews have confirmed. And you absolutely did the whole thing justice. Thanks for giving us a special edition -- it was a classic.

[Cageme]

Aww I feel sad about Chris leaving but it did stun me that Idol would let the real results of the votes eliminate their Chosen ONE. I never thought that they would let the viewers decide.

I would have been glad to See Chris, Taylor and Elliott be the Top Three.

I had to watch that expression over and over to see the utter SHOCK that I also felt when the results "ELIMINATION" was announced.

[mkwdood]

Amazing recap SB!!!!!
I love the screen shots.

I was on this afternoon, when we hit 169 visitors -
about 16 members,the rest were guests.
when I looked to see what all the fuss was about - they were all on this recap!!!!
You have entertained many, many lurkers today.

[toque]

Very, very funny, and the altered screencaps were the best!

Priscilla... that was harsh!

[Idolhead Ed]

I laughed so hard I woke up my wife and I'll be paying for it for days. But yes, it's worth it. I thought this recap was priceless. Your screen caps are off the chain or hook or something. This was vault worthy. I've been writing for 3 years about Idol and occasionally check out your site but from now on I'm here after every show.

[DamonV]

Well I was shocked to see Mr. Clean ousted, GREAT RECAP!!!!

Side note
It seems to me Paula got a thing for Elliott, she continues to fawn over him more so then the others, you'd think she learn from the Corey Clark thing, but geez the girl's in heat and Elliott lookin like a nice Porterhouse Steak to her.

[ANTMFreak]

LMAO!
I also loved the Chris losing one. That was priceless.

[Davis_Rocks]

Originally Posted by Sir Bitter

LOVES IT!! Haha that was hilarious!!

As usual, AMAZING RECAP Sir Bitter!! Fantastic Work!

[Erika]

Well I guess you work with what you have - sad Chris left You certainly did make it amusing though