Survivor Finale Recap: Teepee for Rent

[kungfuhippie]

Hey folks, here we are one last time. I tell you what, as days pass people care less and less about who won this thing...soon the identity of the winner of Survivor Panama Exile Island will be just an answer to another trivia question. But as the motivation to record this event wanes, so does the motivation to read about it, so I better get this thing posted! In a short time we'll all know which of these characters takes home the million, or roughly, what? Half that after taxes? (unless you're the greatest Survivor to ever play the game, in which case you don't have to pay!) ( or do you?) Anyway will it be sweet (but devilishly sneaky) Cirie? Aras (the annoying and petulant) Peace loving warrior? Danielle the (half witted, sliding by) underdog? Or Terry the (strategically impotent) Dominator? Lets find out shall we?

The first thing that has to happen, this being finale night is a (rather long) recap of the action so far. Probst spends a good 10 minutes taking us through all that has happened up to this point and I must say he does a damn fine job of it! He's clear, he's precise, he hits all the pertinent points. He's the best recapper ever! Maybe RTVG should approach him to do next season for us? The only thing he fails to do is point out how stupid everyone is every other sentence. Not sure why he leaves out this important recapping instrument. Anyway, all the people who enjoy Survivor but only like to watch the last episode are now caught up. Me, I'm not so nice as Probst. I say if you have no idea what's gone on so far, why are you reading this? The best I can do is remind you that last time we left Cirie and Danielle about to light their tie breaking fires. And we go back to Tribal council now to see what happens!
The competitors start their fires and its sort of a seesaw battle of incompetence. Cirie has a flame! But it goes out. Then Danielle has a flame that goes out. Then they both have flames. Shane is amused. Aras and Terry can barely watch. Danielle hits on the ideal of adding wood to her fire and by jove, it seems to work! Her flame burns her bit of rope, she wins and Cirie is done here. Terry is happy. Aras, not so much; the jury just looks amused. I guess they're just happy to see some entertainment above the usual boring Probst asking question thing. Cirie goes out like a trooper, with a smile on her face. . Shes just happy and proud that she made it as far as she did, and I have to admit, the first couple of shows things didn't look too promising for her, she made a go of it. Her comparatively cheerful demeanor as she leaves is nice, however I guess its easier to leave with a smile when you go out because of a tiebreaker, and not because your friends backstabbed you. Well, your strategy game was good Cirie, but your challenge game? I've seen better. See you soon at Tribal Council!Back at camp Danielle and Terry work on the fire. Its Aras' turn to sulk in the shelter. Terry's feeling happy, he finally has an ally. Even if it is only Danielle. Its better than nothing! Isn't it?

Next comes an examination of Terry and Aras' relationship with narration by Danielle. It seems it is based on rivalry and competition (as you just might've noticed yourself). Terry brandishes his immunity idol. Aras mopes. Terry chops a coconut in half with one mighty blow. Aras fails to do so. Terry spears 5 smallish fish. Aras catches three largish fish. Terry tries to act impressed thinking "disrespect me eh, punk? I'll show you you!" Aras projects his anger at his father for his parents divorce onto Terry.

Having delved into the psychology of two of our subjects, its now time to once again watch them in action. A challenge is called for, and as Probst explains, they're throwing another reward challenge in here. The idea today is a couple of puzzles which when solved, will give you some shaped pegs. The pegs are to be stuck in a wall and used to climb it. They are then stuck into some slots at the top which will raise a flag. First person to do this gets a good meal and a comfy cot in order to set them up for tomorrows big immunity challenge. The Survivors once again agree that its worth playing for. (I've yet to see anyone say "uh, I don't think so Jeff" to Probsts "worth playing for?" question asked at every single reward challenge).

Probst starts the challenge and the Power of Yoga allows Aras to quickly finish his puzzles. He is attacking the wall, Terry hot on his heels. Danielle, being as we know, stupid, struggles with her puzzles. Aras's lead shrinks as he slides down the wall. His shirt hangs up on a peg barely saving him. Aras is a hair ahead of Terry reaching the top, but fumbles with his pegs, allowing Terry to snatch victory; he celebrates as steam shoots out of Aras's ears. Danielle is still fooling around with a puzzle on the ground. Probst is all impressed by the Terry, Aras competition, but he has to send Aras and Danielle back to camp. Terry has his power meal, then heads back to camp to set up his new sleeping gear.

There s a bunch of nonsense and conjecture about whether the meal will help Terry with Aras going "Oh, no question, it is an advantage, but on the other hand, its a disadvantage! Then again it could help him...but also it could hurt him!" He also calls Terry "Super Dad" which I'm pretty sure is a Freudian slip which lends credence to my theory that Aras is projecting his hatred of his father onto Terry. After all, his name is Super Terry or Captain America, or possibly King Terry, but not Super Dad! Anyways the trio beds down for the night Terry in his cot, Aras and Danielle in the traditional manner. Big Immunity Challenge tomorrow!

The next morning, tree mail gives the gang their instructions. Before the challenge, of course, must come the time wasting remember-your-tribemates ritual. To sweeten the pot for them, they get to burn down the giant driftwood skull on Exile Island, which finally answers questions "what the hell is that giant driftwood skull for?" I guess this prevents them from burning everything else in camp, as earlier survivors liked to do, preserving plenty of souvenirs for sale on Ebay. They do however get to burn their colleagues torches, so sorry Misty fans, her torch is not for sale! Maybe you can put a bid on her buff or or her mangled straw cowboy hat or something instead.

The final three embark at Exile Island to begin their ritual. Tina's torch is first. They remember as being "the first one out." Next, Danielle remembers Melinda's blue eyes. Which is something I guess. Terry recalls Misty as being the first one on Exile Island (probably thinking "good thing she wasn't smart enough to find the idol!") Ruth Marie and Bob Dog - No one really remembers much about them. Terry gives a mini tribute to Dan at his torch, and I have to say that Dan guy has a damn good attitude about the whole thing. Terry was also big on Nick and though I accused him of blandness, he was a nice guy. Austin: Danielle recalls the name. Sally, according to Aras, was a sweetheart and a geniune gal. I would concur. Bruce was next out and Terry and Danielle seem to remember him fondly. Aras maybe not? Courtney: no comment. (from me or the final three) Aras recalls Shane warmly, having evidentally put the whole backstabbing him thing behind him, but has Shane? Finally they reach Cirie's torch, who, Danielle says, was the Mom around camp. I guess because all the other older women were given the boot in the first few shows. Poignant memories dealt with now its time to burn things! The torches are placed atop the skull and it is set ablaze, finally fullfilling its ultimate purpose: a good TV image. We love burning stuff! A giant skull? So much the better!

But now that we've wasted so much time on all that, we need to hurry up and get to the Final Immunity Challenge! Experience tells me that it will be an endurance challenge, which women almost always win. But Aras has the yoga training, which should help him. And Terry has the whole "Tom" thing going for him and Tom gave the most amazing endurance performance ever along with his buddy Ian. So maybe its anyone's game? Well lets check out the setup. Hmm. Its similar to the Pearl Island deal. Standing on floating platforms. But obviously they don't want this to go on too long. They've got extra tippy platforms this time and every 15 minutes you have to move to a smaller, tippier one. The forth one is aboth the size of a large pizza, so good luck standing on that thing. The first platform is not a problem. Everyone looks fine on that one. They move to the next one and it looks pretty damn tippy. But still no problem. They then move to the third platform. Or try to. Danielle being much lighter, has no real problem getting set up. Aras and Terry are falling all over the place. Aras finally figures out a way to do it. Terry struggles but never gets balanced. He's out in a matter of seconds. Danielle looks like she can stand there all day, Aras is waivering all over the place. He shoots Danielle a look and she nods at him. Whether this constitutes any sort of legally binding contract, I don't know, but Aras is satisfied it means something. Danielle is in the final two. She has screwed people time and time again in this game. Who gets it this time? Whatever, I say whoever she picks wins the whole shebang.

Back at camp we hear that "God never makes it easy" for Danielle (?)(yeah, right!) and that her "brain started thinking right away" (First time for everything?) She admits she has sort of promised both guys final two. But promises don't matter when there's a million dollars on the line. (I wonder if she thinks she has a chance at this? Being a fool, she probably does.) Terry does a check and finds Danielle waivering. He gives it his bet shot, trying to convince her that he is more beatable than Aras. Aras uses another tactic; threats! He tells her that he and Cirie won't vote for her if she chooses Terry. Nice love and compassion there, buddy! Aras is really starting to freak out and reminds her that she gave him her word at the immunity challenge. By which, I guess, he means a nod to an unspoken question. Which is so much more solid than the promise sealed with a handshake she gave Terry on Exile Island. Terry continues with the "no pressure" thing, playing good cop to Aras' bad cop.

We now go to Tribal Council to see who Danielle is picking. Probst asks the usual questions, but theres nothing new here. Danielle votes and Probst reveals: The bad cop routine works better! She sends Terry home, backstabbing yet another of her colleagues. Good luck at final TC there Danielle! Terry doesn't look overly shocked to be going and says lost control of the game, by not winning immunity. Since that was his game, winning immunity, he's right, but he's not crying or yelling, and I say he did pretty good against some long odds. Certainly more deserving that the two clowns left. But thats my opinion.

Danielle and Aras go back to camp and are, not surprisingly, happy. Aras, because he's smart enough to know he's winning. Danielle, because she's dumb enough to think she has a chance. They're both proud of their achievements. I'd say the biggest achievement was being in good with Cirie, because thats what got these two where they are.

A breakfast feast is provided for the final two, and having eaten, they head out to the rocks with their bottle of champagne. Aras slips on the rocks, falls on his ass and slices his finger and back with a broken champagne glass. I hope you don't think its like me to derive pleasure form peoples injuries or pain, but I have to chuckle just a little. It's just that it seems humourously ironic that, given all the trials and tribulations that 39 days of wilderness competition can throw at you, Aras manages to suffer damage from champagne flute. No question, hes bleeding. A little. But I'm going on record as calling him a wimp. He's feeling faint, writhing in pain...Hey! try blocking up the old bowel for a couple of weeks there buddy, then talk to us about pain. The medical team is called and there is a slight possibility that Aras could be medically removed from the game...wouldn't that be something! Would Danielle win by default? Would they bring Terry back? But no, he gets 8 stitches to 3 lacerations. Again, not to make light of injury, but thats less than 3 stitches per, on average. So, and I mean this is the most sympathetic way...Suck it up Yoga boy. He admits that his ego has been crushed by the game, the elements, Terry and his tumble. Which is impressive, its not easy to crush something so large! Finally there's the usual nonsense where the final two say I'm so glad its us two, happy to share it with you, blah, blah, blah. Of course in Aras's case, its true. Because if he shared it with Cirie or someone, he might lose! At last its Final Tribal Council time. With the odd balls on the jury we could have a Sue Hawk moment (Shane, I'm counting on you!)

The final two come in, then the jury. Probst asks Aras about his bandages, he tells the story omitting the champagne glass, as that part is too funny. Probst asks Aras to give his opening statement. Nothing that interesting there, except that he illicits a chuckle from Shane when he mentions playing with honesty and integrity. Daniellle gives an even worse speech though she does admit that she wasn't always honest which makes her more honest than Aras. Now the jury gets the floor. Sally asks who did the most to get the final two where they are? Both answer, accurately, Cirie. Bruce asks something like what are you going to do with the responsibility of winning or some such nonsense. Aras is going to try to change himself. Danielle wants to give speeches to young children.(!?!) Shane is hilariously mortified by this. Nothing could be more inappropriate. Terry gets to get his digs in at Danielle for not taking him. The jury is amused that she is put on the spot. He ask them to rate themselves 1-10 on their challenge performance. Aras gives himself a 9. Danielle gives herself 8.5 - 9 closer to a 9. Makes sense. You both won exactly 1 immunity challenge so that should be, like a 9. I guess that makes Terry a 10 and everyone who won nothing would be an 8. Numbers 1 through 7 would be reserved for, I don't know, maybe dead people or people who went backwards in challenges.Austin, the writer, has written a rather clever question: Name a good move and a dirty move that got you further in the game. Danielle reminds us of her saving Bruce and ousting Bob. She fesses up to backstabbing Courtney. So, not a bad answer. Aras is proud of telling Melinda she was going home. Which was stupid, I thought. He regrets backstabbing Shane "But I played with lots of integrity, remember!" So sort of a bad answer.

Courtney is entirely nonsensical and her question is B.S. but she bugs Danielle about being taken care of by her Dad and boyfriend. Also shes drunk. So, sort of funny. Cirie uses the tried and true why should I vote for your opponent? question. Danielle says Aras is great, wonderful, a god among insects. Aras says "uh...lets see, Danielle... uh... Oh! she didn't kick me when I fell down on the rocks! Is that anything?"

Finally the moment we've all been waiting for, Insane Shane! Will he deliver? He starts by throwing his support behind...Terry! Saying he is the most deserving of the 16 and wishing he was in the final 2. Danielle is lazy and an idiot (Wow, maybe Shane is the most clear thinking one here!) He's just getting started though. He kicks Aras's ass six ways from Sunday in delightful fashion. Aras cheats, lies, freeloads off his dad and wrecked Shane personally! Score!! Thank you, Shane for not disappointing! Aras's ego has just been crushed a little bit more. Shane can't vote for Aras, he doesn't know who to vote for. Evidently being a student of the show, he once again takes a page from the book of Greg from the first season of Survivor and asks the candidates to pick a number between 1 and 1 million. Aras, looking like love and compassion are the furthest thing from his mind, picks 4. Danielle looking a bit cheesed as well picks 10. All in all a fairly successful jury Q & A.

The final two's wrap up comments are just as nonsensical and asanine as ever. Aras sounds slightly less moronic than Danielle , however. Probst sends the jury off to vote. Bruce votes for Danielle and has some lame brained reason for doing so. But I'm thinking its because Aras yelled at him a few weeks back. Terry votes for Aras because he is so used to writing his name down. Which is a pretty good one. Probst gets the votes and, rather than jumping on his jetski or into a helicopter, walks through a cave which remarkably leads through time and space to the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York. Judgement time is nigh!

Danielle and Aras are eagerly awaiting the verdict, Danielle in one of Seinfeld's puffy shirts, Aras having put on around 80 pounds. (Stop gorging yourself, Aras! The shows over! There's plenty of food around, you don't need to eat everything in sight! Probst without further ado reads the votes. 1 for Aras. 2 for Danielle. Then Aras, Aras, Aras. Five to two. Not a shock to me. Not sure if it was for Danielle or not. All the Survivors come out and there are hugs all around. Congrats Yoga Boy! Obviously, you weren't my favorite. But you won my office pool for me! Dinner's on Aras! And looks like you're moving out of the teepee and into your own place!

The Reunion starts and the one thing I notice is that Aras is the most boring, disinterested winner ever. People like Shane are absolutely stealing the limelight from him. He looks rather like he'd prefer to be elsewhere. Could it be he's got his mind on the buffet backstage? If he's bored of the show imagine how the audience must feel! Clearly, its far too late for me to say I'll try not to bore you. But in an effort to speed things up for you readers, I'll cover the reunion in point form. Just the highlights!
-Terry refers to his rivalry with Aras as "Two mature guys gettin' it on, strappin' it on and makin' it happen." Does this make anyone else uncomfortable?
-Aras thinks he held his own against Terry. (You won two challenges to his, what? A dozen or so?)
-A straw poll indicates Terry would beat Danielle 5-2 (Bruce and Cirie supporting Danielle) I knew it!
-Cirie looks good and is off the couch. And her husband has got some potential for a future Survivor. He's got some appeal!
-Shane sporting a crazed/drunken preppy look says Cirie played the best social game out there. Which is completely true.
-Probst loves crazy weirdos. He's smitten with Shane and gives him all kinds of camera time. But its good, he's funny.
-Cirie gets a car, for being favorite Survivor, or some such thing.
- The other Survivors? Well they learned a lot, they grew, they had a positive experience. They didn't get much camera time on the show, and they ain't gettin' it here.
-Next Season: The Cook Islands. Look for a Mutiny on The Bounty theme.And another Exile Island thing.


Well...thats about it. Seems a little anticlimactic after all these weeks. Yoga Boy wins and thats another one for the books. And with the closure of this season of Survivor, I'd like to announce my retirement as RTVG's Survivor recapper. As the politicians say, I'm going to spend more time with my family. Thanks a lot to my loyal readers (both of you!) I hope that some people got at least some modicum of amusement from my scribblings. See you all around!

kungfu

(Pictures obtained from the CBS.com Survivor website, and are the property of CBS)

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For More Survivor news: http://www.sirlinksalot.net/survivorpanama.html

[Swim4life107]

Very Nice Kungfu!

[DamonV]

Thanks for all the great recaps this year

[GlitterxGold]

Originally Posted by kungfumackdaddy

her "brain started thinking right away" (First time for everything?)

It's just that it seems humourously ironic that, given all the trials and tribulations that 39 days of wilderness competition can throw at you, Aras manages to suffer damage from champagne flute. No question, hes bleeding. A little. But I'm going on record as calling him a wimp.

Danielle wants to give speeches to young children.(!?!) Shane is hilariously mortified by this. Nothing could be more inappropriate.

He kicks Aras's ass six ways from Sunday in delightful fashion.

*air spank* Awesome job, congrats on a great season!

[Erika]

Great job recapping KF - I have read each one and enjoyed one thoroughly! I like that humor of yours

[photographer45]

Well, hey......

Here I finally submit to a membership on a board, just so I can tell you after your last recap how much I enjoyed reading your posts during the Survivor season, and how much I'm looking forward to reading them next season, and.....

How typically Probst of you. *Tsk tsk*. Kungfuhippie, please rethink your decision. You CAN do another season. You're strong! You're a contender! You're a peace loving warrior AND a dominator.

Hoping you change your mind, and thanks for all the laughs over the past few months.

[Erika]

Originally Posted by photographer45

Hoping you change your mind, and thanks for all the laughs over the past few months.

I agree I love Kungfu's great humor and he had me cracking up all season!

WE WANT MORE KUNGFU!!!

[kungfuhippie]

Thanks all for your comments. Damon and Swim, I appreciate the support! Photographer, I'm terribly flattered that you would sign up to comment on my stuff! And Erika, your encouragement has been important to me all season.

I have read each one and enjoyed one thoroughly!

I appreciate that you read each one, just wondering which was the one you enjoyed thoroughly
Thanks again to all who read and posted over the season!

[Bambi]

I loved reading these, they were all great! Please don't stop recapping! At least think about it. Pretty Please!!

I understand how much time that must take though and do appreciate all the work you've put into it.

[kraziladi]

Now this is entertainment! Being that I only saw the first 20 minutes and then returned to see Probst walk into the live set with the votes, You filled me in quite sufficiently. I concur that the finale was a bit lackluster (the parts I saw). However, your recap was quite entertaining!

Cirie looks good and is off the couch. And her husband has got some potential for a future Survivor. He's got some appeal!

Maybe an idea for Survivor. Don't bring back the all-stars, bring back the previous Survivor's relative of choice.

As for the "Teepee for Rent". Once again, KF, your recapping is Marvelous, Funny and very well done. I know the time it took you! I know the pride and effort you put into these. I know the humor will never be matched!
With that, I also know it seems somewhat of a thankless job...what with barely a page of comments when you have a few hundred views. If only the viewers could take the few seconds it takes to comment. It seems as a recapper, you really are stranded on an island with only your teepee, your pen and paper! I won't beg you to reconsider as I know the time it takes. You were a perfect recapper! I look forward to reading AND COMMENTING on the recaps of your predecessor!