With the finale in sight, the final four girls take a moment to amble through Montego Bay; suspenseful music playing in the background. As they each cue up their sob stories, the judges’ voices schizophrenically negatively comment on every girl.
After that scene…the girls return to the house where Leila fawns over her “major comeback”. Now that there are only three girls left to beat, Kiara is ready to do anything to get to the “light at the end of the tunnel.” Whether it be perpetuating a lesbonic fling or murdering her competitors; Kiara is determined to win the title!
The L (S)word
Laura, on the other hand, is prepared to go to the other side. She talks to her mother and cries about how “stressful” this competition is. She’s determined not to “crack” but by the hundredth “stressful” that escapes her mouth, I’m not as sure.
After a round of Laura’s “stressful” drinking game, the inebriated models go to bed to prepare for the next day’s challenge (must be an ad for liver failure!)
The girls are met by Rob and Yendi Phillips, the 2012 Miss Jamaica World and Universe. As they walk up to the two, the women notice ponds and stables, which immediately intoxicate small-town girl Laura.
She’s “excited” about this challenge because back home, she grew up on a farm. Kiara, on the other hand, never received her 40 acres and mule. Nevertheless, she’s ready to beat Laura on her “own turf”.
Yendi, in the thickest of accents, tells the girls that they will be shooting an advertisement for the Jamaican Tourist Board. After thirty minutes of writing, the girls will shoot their scripts in the water…on horseback.
Leila, upon the news that this challenge will be animal-friendly, freaks out at the thought of getting killed by a horse (or Kiara. Whoever strikes first...) Despite the editor’s feeble attempt to calm Leila, her fear of horses remains.
Equinophobia: fear of bad Photoshop
During the thirty minutes of prep time, the girls write down their thoughts on Jamaica to appease the client. Laura goes first on horseback, her nostalgia boner guiding her through the first two takes. Yendi calls her “natural” and overconfident Laura feels that she has it “in the bag”.
Even though she originally started off strong, Leila began to struggle when the horse went berserk. Satisfied that her country voodoo is succeeding, Laura looks on as Leila tries to pacify the hexed creature.
After Leila “composes” herself, she’s able to give a nice advertisement. Nastasia, on the other hand, was unable to give “confidence” on her first go-around. After some improvisation, she was able to improve on her performance.
Initially, Kiara was nervous about the horse, afraid that it was “too large for her”. Still, she gets on and delivers some great lines. Midway through her take, the horse goes on another rampage and decides to run into the ocean.
Luckily, Kiara handles it with more aggression than Leila, cursing at the horse to stop. After a barrage of insults, the equine submits itself and lets Kiara finish her commercial. If this modeling thing doesn’t work out, Kiara can always get her own show on the National Geographic channel…
After all four of the girls finish, Rob and Yendi give their critiques. Despite having first takes that were all shades of awful, two girls stood out for incorporating the “right information” in their advertisements. The girl who won the challenge (and will be featured in an advertisement for the Jamaican Tourist Board) is…
KIARA! Apparently, having a “great f***ing time” is Jamaica’s slogan! Laura thinks that Kiara is being “disrespectful” with her celebrations; because making out with Leila is the epitome of disrespect!
Back at the house, Nastasia and Leila are terrified to discover their low challenge score, a 6. Kiara tries to soothe Leila with promises of a “kick ass shoot”. Before Kiara can make any plans to smother the girls in their sleep, out comes a…
TYRA MAIL! “The end is near. I can almost smell it. Be sure to bring your A game to the next shoot, because dreams really do come true. Love, Tyra.”
I Had a Dream
The next day, the girls are taken to the beach where Johnny introduces them to Jez Smith, a photographer and judge of Australia’s Next Top Model. He will be shooting their official Dream Come True advertisements and with Ben Benett (the creator of the fragrance), will be creating the winner’s actual photograph.
During her shoot, Ben thought that Laura was determined to sell the Come in Dream Come True. Ben, however, thought that her bottle clutching was “too sexy”. Combined with her “stressful” backstage confessions, Laura’s advertisements can really be dedicated to heterosexual alcoholics all across the nation.
Raise Your Glass
Leila also had a good showing at the shoot. She got into her “happy place” and even though she took a “while to warm up”, when she got there, Leila was able to produce a “good atmosphere” for the photos.
After the four girls wrap up the shoot, they receive a Skull Mail:
Everyone is on edge about the impending panel, but most notably is Nastasia. Having been quiet the whole episode, Nastasia exclaims that she put this competition in “God’s hands” and being eliminated means that he doesn’t want her to pursue this career.
Poor, poor Nastasia. Don’t utter God’s name in the presence of an ANTM camera unless you want to be punished for not proclaiming the true deity of this Earth: TYRA BANKS!
"You know our prizes. The winner of America’s Next Top Model will receive a fashion feature in Nylon Magazine, become the face of the fragrance Dream Come True, be offered a contract with NY/LA Models, shoot an advertisement for Smashbox, and receive $100,000.”
"You all know our judges. First, we have PR maven, Kelly Cutrone. Next, we have sexy British male model, Rob Evans. We also have our social media correspondent, Bryanboy."
Side-note: I usually suppress the urge to comment on this man’s existence but, what on Earth is on Bryanboy’s head? Is he trying to (unsuccessfully) seduce Ellen Degeneres? Is he the illegitimate son of Justin Bieber and a mop? I don’t even know…
(N)one Less Lonely Girl
Leila: Kelly calls it a little “ba-bamy” and marks down for being too much of a “sex pot” for the brand. Loving both sex and pot, Rob disagrees, deeming it a “perfect balance” between sensuality and sexuality. Tyra pipes in to comment on the lack of neck and in the end, Leila gets two 8s from the ladies and Rob’s 9.
Kiara: Tyra admires Kiara’s transformation and calls her entire film amazing. Following Tyra’s 8, Rob feels that Kiara is “soft, romantic, and vulnerable” and awards her a 9. Kelly likes the relaxed vibe but doesn’t know if she fits the brand, giving her a 7. The fans adore her image, calling it “from the heart”.
Nastasia: Tyra and Kelly agree that she is the most “commercial” of the four girls and for this shoot, that is the best asset to have. Rob disagrees with the two gals, calling it “weak”. He gives Nastasia a 7 while the two others settle on an 8 and 9.
Laura: Tyra feels that Laura’s image is “too sexy” for the brand and Kelly agrees, comparing it to a “soap opera actress”. Following the womens’ 7s, Rob believes that Laura is “losing her edge” and grants her an 8.
“Now the judges and I will add your scores and when you return, I will announce which one of you will be eliminated.”
“Four beautiful girls stand before me. But I only have 3 photos in my hands. And these three photos represent the three of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The girl with the best score and therefore, best photo is…”
“Will Nastasia and Laura please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the third finalist that will join Kiara and Leila in a fashion show like we have never experienced before. So, who will join the other two girls in this theatrical production for Amado Haute Couture? With a score of 35.8 to 35.5, the third finalist is...”
Being so close to the finale, Nastasia is really “upset” about leaving now. Nevertheless, she has high hopes for the future and is thankful for this experience.
Halloqueen III: Season of the Bitch
Who do you think should have gotten best picture? Who do you think should have gotten eliminated? Are you satisfied with the final 3? Who would've been in your ideal finale? Who do you want to become America's Next Top Model? What was your favorite part(s) of the recap? Anything else you wanna say? Leave any and all comments below and for the final time, until next week...